I've been talking with a woman off and on since May. We started strong, then she pulled away. I found out afterwards she was sleeping with someone else, so we didn't talk for a few months.
Later, after talking and texting a few days, she calls me and wants to spend the day together "just as friends." We go out to eat, do a little window shopping and go back to my place. She is suddenly all over me.
We kiss and explore one another's bodies, yet in the back of my mind I'm thinking things are not right. So we don't go all the way. A few hours later her mom texts asking where she is, so she says she's going home to check on things and should be back for the night soon.
We kiss and she leaves. She says she would take me with her, but her son is home and she wants him to have a heads-up that she is dating again before he meets me. She's afraid he might flip out.
At home she texts me. Everything is fine, but her son is back from spending time with his dad so she's staying there. We make plans to meet the next day.
Next morning, an hour before we are supposed to get together, she texts. She can't make it. I ask why and she gives a legitimate answer. I ask when we can see each other as friends again and tell her I meant everything I said the night before. She says she has no idea, don't push, let me sort things out. She doesn't talk to me the rest of the day.
The friend who introduced us happens to come by. She asks about this woman and says, be careful. Don't put your heart in it, she says, because less than two weeks ago she was talking to another man.
After work, I text to wish her a good night at work because she works third shift. She replies she's just pulling into the parking lot. I say okay. I know she's really busy when she first clocks in. It's been hours and I've heard nothing back. I feel played again.
I don't understand how you can tell someone you love them and want to spend time with them one night, then the next morning say, don't push. Another friend who knows the situation says it seems like she clicks with me, but it scares her and she doesn't know how to react.
I don't know. My head says no, but my heart says yes. I don't want to be made a fool of, but I fall so easily for her.
Rod, this woman clicks so well with you she doesn't know what to do about it. What kind of gibberish is that? She appears to be a woman who goes from man to man to man, a woman who radiates sexuality like sunshine.
A person like her is too damaged to know what love is. When you are too drunk to drive, you are too drunk to sign a contract, do math or perform surgery. When you don't understand what love is, you are too muddled to tell anyone you love them.
We don't doubt you have feelings for her, wherever they reside, in your brain, your heart or your pants. But she is so damaged she sleeps with multiple men and jerks you around.
Yet you believe her when she says she loves you. If two weeks from now she said she loves you, be prepared in four weeks to hear that she is sleeping with someone else.
You can't make her normal, but she can pull you off normal. She can damage you to the point where you don't know what love is either.
~ Wayne & Tamara
Column for the week of October 12, 2015
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