I am in a tough place, unsure whether to have a discussion with my BFF.
A couple of years ago, my BFF's husband opened his own law firm. She mentioned her husband's new secretary and said she was a little insecure because the secretary was younger, beautiful and a former pro football cheerleader. The conversation did not go in-depth but we had it.
Fast forward to this past Sunday night. Our husbands have become friends and we hang out every now and then. They both have season tickets to our local NFL team and they attend the same tailgate. This last game, my husband took me.
When my friend's husband showed up, we talked a little and he said his wife was home sick. He mentioned that no one wanted his extra ticket, and I didn't think anything of it until later.
This girl, very attractive, shows up to the tailgate alone to meet my BFF's husband. I was not too far away so I tried to listen as he introduced her to people. It was his secretary! She was there at least 30 minutes, and I'm not sure if the extra ticket was for her.
I wound up leaving because I was bothered by it. Whatever happened, I find it inappropriate they were together in the first place. I believe my BFF would not be comfortable with this, and if I were in her shoes, I would want to know.
They are having marital issues, and if he's cheating, I am sure this has a big thing to do with it! What should I do?
Aimee, you should have stayed for the game.
Had you done that, you had only to tell your girlfriend you went to the game, heard she was sick, and ask, Are you okay? Then you could mention what you saw, just as you might report any other event. You would be a reporter, merely stating facts.
The problem, though, is your letter contains more questions than answers.
Did you ask your husband if they sat together? If you didn't ask, is there a reason why? Were you afraid he might lie for his friend? There is a huge difference between the lawyer giving his secretary his wife's ticket, and the secretary tailgating and sitting elsewhere with her own ticket.
The bottom line is you were offended enough on your friend's behalf that you left before you found out the nitty-gritty. That was a mistake. But it's not too late to report the facts to your friend.
~ Wayne & Tamara
I am a woman, twice divorced, in my 50s. I am living with a man, three times divorced, also in his 50s. I have adult, married, successful children. He has four sons who have been in trouble with the law. As a matter of fact one son, an addict, is currently in prison for armed robbery.
Two of his sons live with us. One has a girlfriend and her two children also living here. That son recently pled guilty to possession of child pornography. I had a conservative upbringing and am very unhappy with the current arrangement. I'm hoping his sons grow up and move out.
I keep rationalizing to myself that things will get better. I am unable to work and my only income is from disability payments and some spousal support from my last marriage.
Should I stay and hope it improves? Or leave and not look back?
Mackenzie, Leo Tolstoy said, "The antagonism between life and conscience may be removed either by a change of life or by a change in conscience."
Tolstoy also said, "... a man cannot cease to consider wrong what is wrong." Since your conscience is unlikely to change, you have to change your life even though it may affect your standard of living.
Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara – Column for the week of January 5, 2014
~ Wayne & Tamara
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