Direct Answers – Steadfast

Steadfast

When I met my first love, he was going through financial problems, and I helped him stand on his feet again. We were much in love and wanted to get married and have a family. However, I had to call it off.

My mother was thoroughly opposed.

I tried every possible way to defend my boyfriend to my family, but they refused to listen. As the only child of a conservative family, I felt I couldn't hurt their feelings. Sadly, I explained this to my boyfriend, wished him well and we broke up.

A few months later my family introduced me to a boy in a respected profession. Since I could not marry the man I loved, I decided to give it a try. He appeared nice and two months later it was decided we would be engaged. Right before the engagement my mom decided she didn't like him and called the engagement off at the last minute.

My ex-boyfriend then asked me to talk to my family on his behalf. But by then my mom had arranged introductions to other boys. I couldn't give my ex false hope. I asked him to forget about me and said, "You will find a much better girl than I am."

My mom introduced me to another boy. We were beginning to have feelings for each other when  she informed me we could not proceed. Supposedly our horoscopes were not as compatible as she first thought. So I suffered another heartbreak.

On top of this, my dad fell sick and passed away last month. When I sent my ex-boyfriend a text to let him know about my father's death, I discovered his mom had introduced him to a girl he fell in love with. They will soon marry.

The news devastated me. He was under the impression I, too, was in a relationship or engaged. He felt sorry for me, but now that door was completely shut. I wished him well despite being heartbroken.

I am happy he found someone who will take care of him, yet my inner self feels a sense of loss and loneliness like never before.

My mom continues looking for the ideal groom while I am afraid to have feelings for anyone again. Although my heart yearns for the closeness of a special someone, I don't want to be with the wrong person. How do I cope with my current situation?

~ Tara

Tara, Voltaire said each of us must accept the cards life deals us, but once the cards are in our hand, we alone can decide how to play them in order to win.

You tried and succeeded in finding a man to marry, and your mother has tried and failed again and again. Your mother has proven her judgment to be utterly unreliable. It's time to take the decision out of her hands.

Her motives are based on herself and her own imagined future. She doesn't get to do that on your back. And the horoscope incompatibility? We don't believe it. We think your mother saw something that was not agreeable to what she wanted so she made up an excuse.

You will want to defend your mother against what we are saying, but remember, you fell in love. Your mother stopped that and now that man is marrying someone else. Obviously another mother found the man you loved suitable to marry her daughter.

The problem you face is every man in your future will be compared to your first love. When times get tough you will think, "If only I had married him..."

Let your mother gnash her teeth, tear her hair or rend her clothes. It doesn't matter. She doesn't get to make this decision for you. No threats, no bribes, no anger, no begging should take you off your course of choosing love.

~ Wayne & Tamara

 Column for the week of July 20, 2015

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