Direct Answers – Counting Chickens, Light My Fire

Counting Chickens

My husband and I recently married. We share the same ideals, political views and interests, and we have an incredible relationship and wonderful marriage. We've talked about what a shame we did not meet previously since we had both been single many years.

There is an age difference of 20 years and it does not bother us at all.

We both have children from our previous marriages. We are seniors and just want to enjoy each other and our new status as newlyweds. The problem is my husband's children. They refuse to accept that their father is a loving man, quite capable of giving love and accepting love in return.

In fact, he is a wonderful, gentle man, unlike I have ever experienced. He told me many times he has never experienced such a loving, caring woman such as myself, and stated his decision to marry again was the best decision he ever made.

I, in return, told him the same since I decided long ago to never marry again. But I am so happy I accepted his marriage proposal. He proposed twice.

His children seem to think because he is a senior he no longer needs love and a companion. They tried numerous times to talk him out of marriage. Our marriage has caused his children to become hostile and angry. I am devastated by their conduct.

We now think it is imperative to seek legal advice. We are at our wits' end and just want to be left alone.

~ Alberta

Alberta, nobody wants to believe their children are waiting for them to die. Nobody wants to believe how anxious children may be to have their parent's assets, but kids often think parental assets are rightfully theirs.

Your husband's children aren't kids of divorce hoping mommy and daddy get back together. It should be obvious their father would want love and companionship. When does anyone ever stop wanting that?

But there is a difference between you being in his life and you not being in his life. If he dies first, you will get some or all of his assets, and they begrudge you any portion of "their" inheritance.

They've already spent the money in their minds. They know who gets the good silver. They think his money is something due them, like an annuity. Now they are furious and can't admit they've pre-spent the money.

Even if your husband gives them something, they won't get as much as they thought because he will undoubtedly want to leave some port~ion for the care of his wife. That means whatever your husband does they are still likely to be angry.

They are having a fit over something they can't say. They have already divvied up your husband's possessions. There is no answer for their anger because they have lost control of their father and his assets, if you two stay together.

Your husband needs legal advice to protect both of you from the aggressiveness of his children, and he needs to decide, based on his children's behavior, exactly what they should or should not get. Then they need to be told.

~ Wayne & Tamara

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Column for the week of January 26, 2015

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