First of all, greetings from Hong Kong. Please excuse my English as I am not a native speaker.
Recently my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found I kept the contact number of a girl who is her former coworker and whom I really don't know. To be honest, I stole that number from my girlfriend's phone. Why I added her contact in the first place is an interesting question.
I did not intend to hook up with her. I merely kept the contact as a sense of achievement or pleasure. For the record I kept other pretty girls' numbers, too, but some of them I had actually talked to. Plus I've checked out other strangers' Instagram pictures and kept them for pleasure. My girlfriend couldn't accept this. She feels I fantasize having sex with other women.
Yes, she frequently checked my phone, which I didn't forbid her, though I must admit I didn't quite like it. Twice she caught me having conversations with a girl who flirts with almost every man. As it is, my girlfriend forgave me but made it clear, if I committed another mistake, I would lose her.
There was also another girl. I dated her a couple of times before my girlfriend. I didn't like her, but I didn't delete her either.
For the record, my girlfriend has serious trust issues due to her family and previous relationships. So she cannot put up with my "dirty little secrets" as she feels she will find more when she digs deeper. We met yesterday without much progress and now, as you can imagine, she refuses to see me.
Almost everybody I know says I have to learn a lesson this time, obviously, by losing her.
Am I sick? Should I see a doc? What can I do to get her back? Appealing publicly on Facebook or through mutual friends is not quite the way that can succeed.
Time is running out.
Jon, some people kill a magnificent animal like an elephant for the ivory tusk. That's an unimaginable waste. A tragedy. If everyone did it there would be no elephants. That's why in many cases, even when the animal dies a natural death, it may be illegal to trade in its tusks.
You collect phone numbers and pictures of attractive women. It makes you feel victorious, like a big game hunter, but in reality you have no use for these pelts. That mentality is no longer acceptable. It belongs to a lower level of maturity.
If you love a woman and want to spend your life with her, you have to surrender your hunting license. No more poaching. You captured the prize. You don't need to hunt anymore.
Your girlfriend feels, rightfully, you are still out there looking.
Is she the one for you? It's okay if she's not. But if she's not, let her go. If she is, you must be willing to wait for her forever. That means focusing on her alone and no other. If you cannot honestly do that, release her because she is that person to another man.
It may make you feel powerful to collect mementos, but it's done at her expense. While it gives you a figment in your mind, to a woman looking for true love you become despicable.
If you kill an elephant, is the world better for that? No. If you kill a love, are you better for that? No. You are not better for that. You are not better for collecting these little trophies, pictures and phone numbers. This pattern of thought prevents you from having a love that can sustain you for a lifetime.
Are you sick? We don't think so. Just immature. Collecting photos and contacts is what schoolboys do. It's time to act like a mature man living in the real world. The real world.
~ Wayne & Tamara
Column for the week of May 19, 2014
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