Direct Answers – The Wheat And The Chaff, One-sided Deal

The Wheat And The Chaff

I work at a gym as a cashier full-time in the summer till university starts up again. I met this guy I never thought about except that he is attractive. He talked to me once, asked me where I come from and asked me to hold his phone while he was in the sauna.

The second time he came in he again asked me to hold his phone and we chatted a bit. He left, came back a few minutes later and asked if I wanted to go for a walk during the weekend. I hesitated, which I rarely do, because most guys who hit on me are the "Lets hang out after 11 p.m." sort of guys. But he did not seem to be that kind of guy, so I said yes.

A few hours later he texted me saying he was looking forward to the weekend. I responded with, "Thanks. Looking forward to it, too." We didn't set a date or time. It was just supposed to be that weekend. A few days later he texts me saying he's sorry he asked me to go for a walk, that he's still not over his ex and "you seem like a nice girl."

I did not respond at all. Obviously he either isn't over his ex, not interested (changed his mind), or I was just a boast to his ego. Either way I get that I have to move on and I will when I am ready.

I was rejected. The only thing running through my mind is that I regret giving him my number and it is driving me crazy. He might come to the gym again, and I do not want that. If he does how should I act?

I could use both a male and female perspective.

~ Kyra

Kyra, you didn't get rejected. He made an offer, you accepted and he failed to follow through. That's not a rejection. The perfect response is exactly what you did. No response at all.

He is likely not to return because the awkwardness is on him, but if he comes to the gym again, you don't know him from Adam. Been there, done that, don't know who you are.

He's the one who made the advance and he is the one who dropped the ball. None of that falls on you. For you, it's nothing ventured nothing gained.

To be out there in the world, to have a chance to connect to the one for you, you have to go through this. As far as you are concerned, he showed his true colors. He's a man who doesn't know his own mind, a man who doesn't follow through, a man not ready for a relationship with you.

And you didn't even have to go on a date with him to find that out.

~ Wayne & Tamara

One-sided Deal

I finally found a job I loved. Especially in this economy that seems to be a good thing. However one of the head honchos of the company started flirting with me within a week of being there. He is married, not happy, but stays with his wife and kids for financial reasons.

He called his wife an old menopausal shrew. He would do things for me or say things that no other man ever said. He made me feel as if the man I married isn't good enough and that sexually I could do better.

When he touched me, I got swept away. I was also married with a child, but in the back of my mind it was so wrong. Why do men do this?

~ Jo Ann

Jo Ann, because women like you fall for it.

You focused on the wrong thing—his supposed unhappiness, and you believed you could change the terms of what he was offering you. You were wrong on both counts.

~ Wayne & Tamara

Column for the week of June 30, 2014

 

Send letters to: [email protected] , or Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield MO 65801.

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