Direct Answers – Growing Pains

Growing Pains

I'm an 18-year-old girl who just finished her first semester at her new college. Things have been going okay, I guess, but there is something that keeps bugging me: I can't seem to get over my crush from 8th grade.

Eighth grade was my transitioning stage from wearing glasses and kid's clothing to dressing more girly and wearing contacts. I was always called ugly and a loser back then. However, since my change, people in and outside of school have made comments about how pretty and beautiful I am.

Anyway, in 8th grade I had four or five classes with this boy. He was tall (still is) and had blue eyes and blond hair (still does) and was really attractive (still is). He was one of the most popular guys in my grade, while I was a shy girl with dark brown hair and hazel eyes who never went out often.

For some reason, he started talking to me. But even more than that, he sat next to or behind me, used to joke with me, poke me, and in general, be very nice to me. It just made me so happy! This was the first time a boy, and a good-looking one at that, was genuinely nice to me!

So began my crush on him. I had two classes with him in 9th grade, in 10th we had nothing, then 11th grade comes and I sit next to him as his physics partner! We talked and laughed together multiple times. He even patted me on the head when I put my head down to rest my eyes. It was wonderful.

Then senior year rolls around: no classes. I barely saw him except in the hallway. At prom he looked at me a few times as I passed by in my dress but that was it. Then at graduation he looked at me a few times but I thought it was nothing.

That brings me to college. I go to an all-women's school, but many men from a coed school who take classes at my school roam around. The guys I see now don't seem to compare to him.

I thought I would have the opportunity to meet new guys at my new school, but every time I see photos of my crush at his college with friends that are girls, I get jealous. Why couldn't that have been me? It's so unfair!

I know this sounds weird, but I've had a few dreams where he was in it. The last dream was yesterday. Unfortunately my mom woke me up in the middle of it. The fact that I wanted the dream to last made me so mad I almost wanted to cry! I was so sad when my mom interrupted, you have no idea.

I know it sounds stupid but I can't get over this guy!

~ Bridget

Bridget, when you felt plain and unwanted, he was nice to you. But if he wanted to date you or go out with you, he would have spoken up. In the past he had every opportunity.

Because you didn't have that kind of relationship with him, everything else was made up in your mind. He was a crush. What are crushes for? They are one-sided, practice relationships. You get over them and then you start having real relationships.

You can't measure every other male by a daydream. Focusing on him will prevent you from being open to a relationship with someone who cares about you.

You don't get to pick a boyfriend like you get to pick next semester's classes. It will happen when it happens with whom it happens. It will happen when you aren't focusing on the wrong place. It will happen when you are acting from the place where you now are, as a beautiful, educated young woman.

~ Wayne & Tamara

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Column for the week of January 19, 2015

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