Direct Answers – If I Can’t Have Him

If I Can’t Have Him

I started a new job in April 2016 and met a man who works in another department on the opposite side of our building. In August we started dating.

In December I learned he had been seeing a woman who sat on the other side of his cubicle. He said they were not in a relationship, just hanging out, which means they were being intimate. He broke it off with her at the end of July 2016.

She was upset and didn’t come to work for a week. He told me he doesn’t have anything to do with her anymore. She approached me a couple of times to assure me she didn’t want anything awkward between us. I told her there wouldn’t be because what they had happened before me.

But I keep hearing office gossip that this woman is still feeling hurt. She and my boyfriend even got into an argument at work. It didn’t get loud, but she was written up. Eventually, they even moved her desk.

I overheard this woman in the bathroom talking to her mother on the phone. It upset me. She said he treated her “like a whore” and didn’t consider her feelings. The gossip I am hearing is that he lied to her about why they were breaking up.

Fast forward. He proposed and I said yes. She left him two vulgar, ugly voicemails saying he wasn’t a man, was a liar and was disrespectful. She said he spent the night with me in my home though I have a 7-year-old daughter, but wouldn’t spend the night in her home because of her grown 21-year-old daughter who wasn’t even there.

I heard this woman talk about us and how fake his feelings are because we have pictures of us up at work, but not of our children. “Who puts up pictures of someone you see every day?” she stated.

He keeps reassuring me she is just jealous and he didn’t choose her. I’m confused. Should I be concerned how he treated this woman?

~ Felicia

Felicia, you’re confused because this woman told you she doesn’t want things to be awkward, but then proceeded to make things awkward for everyone.

She’s been reprimanded and moved at work. Your fiancé has not. Might she be misleading her mom to save face? Do you think every overheard conversation is an accident? Why don’t you consider that much of this gossip is staged, right from her own mouth?

She thinks this man does not have the right to decide she is not the woman for him. What man wouldn’t lie when breaking up with a woman who he knows will take it badly?

For the flimsiest of reasons, your fiancé wouldn’t go to her house, but she went to him as if she was delivering pizza. That’s the difference between you two.

What’s the proof? He has a picture of you in his cubicle but didn’t have a picture of her. Why should he have a picture of your child? You have not yet become a family through marriage. It’s simply her jealousy showing.

Just because she is unhappy with him, it does not give her any rights. He wasn’t engaged to her but he is with you, not secretly, but aboveboard and openly. If you love him and care for him, don’t listen to gossip. Put her out of your mind and move forward.

A line in a play by Shakespeare says, “Confusion now hath made his masterpiece.” This woman’s masterpiece is your confusion. Having lost him, her happiness lies in your misery.

~ Wayne & Tamara

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Direct Answers – Column for the week of June 19, 2017

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