I met a man my age a few months ago. Nice looking but I didn’t think he was my type. He was flirty and persistent and after three dates in 24 hours, we slept together. I usually don’t do this, but I just went with the flow.
We saw each other two or three times a week. During the week he texted and called. I was fine keeping things sexual. Several times he mentioned he wasn’t good at relationships and he had a long-term relationship that ended. All they did was fight.
In the beginning I didn’t care, but then I started having feelings for him.
We were supposed to go to dinner and a movie on a Saturday night. That morning I texted him to see what time since we were meeting friends of mine. I got a text back about how he can’t make it tonight and I don’t deserve this.
I thought he felt bad about bailing out on our date. I texted to ask if everything was all right, and he said, yes, he would explain later. Six hours later he calls to tell me his ex showed up at his house that morning and one thing led to another.
I was upset. He texted saying I am wonderful, he is a mixed-up son of a you-know-what and he apologized because he had no intention of hurting me. I missed him.
So two weeks later I texted him and he immediately texted back. Every time I call or text he responds but I have to initiate things. I went on his FB page and guessed which girl was his ex. Accidentally, on my cell phone, I friended her and she accepted!
Apparently he told her about me. I immediately unfriended her but she requested to friend me! Which I didn’t accept. Now I don’t know what to do. I planned to text him about something he was helping me with, but now I am embarrassed.
This relationship messed with my head. Telling me to keep busy or move on isn’t helping. I’ve tried to do that. It’s been three weeks with no contact, and I am not sure how to handle this. I would love to sit down and talk to him.
Eve, people often confuse face value with real value. For example, in Germany after World War I a handful of German marks would buy a week’s worth of groceries. A few years later it required a wheelbarrow full of marks to buy the same amount of groceries. The face value of the marks was the same but their real value had shrunk to almost nothing.
You are in a relationship whose value has shrunk to nothing.
The best way to stop thinking about this man is to change the way you feel about him. You took his original interest at face value, even though he told you its real value. He said he is no good at relationships. When he said that, he said he wouldn’t be good for you. Why would you want to be involved with him?
But he had a line that worked. A few dates, a few dinners and he got what he wanted. After a simple apology, he was gone.
Who are you in this story? An interlude in the life of another couple, part of a little vacation they had from each other. Maybe they like makeup sex.
There is nothing to discuss with him. You slept with a guy on the rebound and he dumped you. Why do you want to give him the time of day?
You thought it could just be sex, then you found out that doesn’t work for women.
With him you have a wheelbarrow full of nothing. With his girlfriend you have even less. Stop texting him, stop calling him, ignore her and change your FB privacy settings.
~ Wayne & Tamara
Column for the week of November 24, 2014
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