When I decided to leave my husband, there was a man who supported me emotionally through it all, alongside all my girlfriends. He is single, deeply spiritual, highly intelligent and he makes me think. His view of things gives me a fresh outlook on life.
His support was my main motivator in going back to school and getting my degree. He pushes me to believe I am worth more than I give myself credit for. This man amazes me with his strength and courage after hearing the things he went through as a child and then the wonderful woman (can you hear the sarcasm?) he allowed into his life.
He has some issues. He always stated he did not want any kind of relationship due to the disappointment in his past relationships. There was a brief time when affection was shared that led to a one-night experience I will never forget as long as I live.
Things remained the same for a long time until he was involved in an automobile accident. The moment I heard the news I walked out of my job and went to the scene. They had just taken him to the emergency room. I rushed there and patiently waited, with the mother of his child, to see him.
While standing there waiting, it was like getting struck in the head. I realized I loved this man. Mind you, I was listed as his emergency contact in all his paperwork and stood by his side through the recovery.
Herein lies the problem. I fell in love with a man knowing I could never have my happily ever after with him. I am torn. He told me he loves me, just not the way I want him to.
He told me to find someone to fulfill my needs. Knowing all this, I still love him. I tested the “find someone else” thing several times and each time he found a way to reel me back in. I don’t know if he intentionally reeled me back in or if I wanted him so badly I made it easy.
I absolutely abhor the thought of not having him in my life. He’s been my strength for so long. My head says I will never be content like this, but my heart says hold on and he will love you as you want.
Danielle, in the Game of Thrones there is an impregnable castle located on the top of a mountain crag. It is called The Eyrie. Just getting there is an ordeal for the people who live there. The castle has never been successfully attacked from the ground, yet its defenses were overcome once by a woman who flew there on the back of a dragon.
This man is like that castle. In laying siege to him you have two problems. One, you don’t have a dragon, and two, dragons don’t exist.
We say one-way love all the time. “I love ice cream. I love Star Wars. I love Liam Neeson.” But the love that is reciprocal is a different kind of love. You can hang your hat on any word you can twist or turn to stay with him. But his walls are high and strong.
He can sit in his castle, on the moral high ground, and think, I told her repeatedly I don’t want her that way.
When one loves as you do, it is all coming from within. What completes love is that it is returned.
~ Wayne & Tamara
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