Direct Answers – Bad Manners, First and Last


I have a friend I’ve known since high school. We had a habit of hanging out and then not talking to each other for months on end. But when we do talk, it’s like we’ve talked every day.

Anyway she had a boyfriend and they were in a casual relationship. He was interested in me and she was cool with that. Now, months later, I’m crashing at their place. Now she’s no longer cool with it, so he and I stopped messing around.

Recently they fought and broke up. She asked me not to sleep with him but I’ve developed feelings for him. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I’m 23 and have never gotten past the “you’re cute, let’s date” point in a relationship.

It’s different with him. He’s all I can think about and he makes me feel special and wanted. I have no idea if it would be just sex for him, but the things he says and does make me think he likes me for more.

I’m super awkward and don’t even know where to begin. I don’t want to hurt my friend, but I owe it to myself to see where things go. I saw him today and things got a bit handsy.

I know someone’s going to end up getting hurt, and mostly I don’t want that person to be me. What do I do?

~ Hailey

Hailey, this man can’t be the decider in the situation because he’s a young guy with two women fighting over him. It would be as if he’s licking two ice cream cones, trying to decide which flavor he likes better. What young guy, not in love with either of you, would turn that down?

You’ve decided you are going for him regardless of what your girlfriend thinks. Okay, but it’s not nice to eat fries off someone else’s plate without permission.

Show your girlfriend your letter and say, “I don’t know what he’s telling you, but this is what is going on between the two of us.”

~ Wayne & Tamara

First and Last?

I’m 19 and I’ve never kissed anyone or been in a relationship because I didn’t see the point. But over the past year my best friend and I have fallen in love. We talk about literally everything. The trouble is he’s leaving for school in two weeks, and he’ll be gone a minimum of two years.

I have to stay here to work and go to school. We don’t think it’s wise to become intimate because, one, we’re both religious and believe in saving sex for marriage, and two, he’s leaving. Being separated and rarely able to talk is going to be hard enough.

I want him to at least be my first kiss though, and I want him to be the one who makes the first move. All my friends say, “Just kiss him!” But if he doesn’t want that, who am I to make the decision? Help!

~ Chelsea

Chelsea, the kiss isn’t the goal. The emotion behind the kiss is the goal. If you force it to occur, it will be a contact of lips, not a kiss. If you script this, it won’t satisfy you. A script removes the magic.

If a kiss seals a pact to wait for him for two years, then don’t do it. Making a promise between the two of you at this stage says, we will not explore or live life. You can’t do that to him. He can’t do that to you.

Then again, some events in this world just happen. If he doesn’t make the first move, it would be only natural to kiss him goodbye.

~ Wayne & Tamara

Column for the week of  February 20, 2017

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Wayne & Tamara answer as many letters as they possibly can.


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