A year and a half ago, I met what I thought was my other half. We had a long distance relationship and talked about everything.
He worked at a couple of low-paying jobs. We talked a lot about money because I have worked so hard to raise two kids alone and I am an entrepreneur. It is important to me that he contribute financially.
We decided he would go to work selling for my company. When he arrived, I could not bring in prospects without significant money for advertising. I asked him to get a job to help with expenses until we could pay for ads.
He didn’t. He sat around all day on social media.
When things got really difficult, he couldn’t seem to muster money from anywhere. Not selling, not borrowing, not a job. Now I am about to end it. I’ve supported him financially for a year.
I really do experience deep love and connection with him, but can’t reconcile his inability to contribute to our lives. Am I wrong to feel this way?
They say love is unconditional, but I feel his unwillingness to change is a deal breaker.
Elise, it is easier to fool somebody than it is to convince them they were fooled. That is why it is logical for you to believe he didn’t come to mooch, and that is why it is hard to accept that you will never get back any of the money you spent on him.
Because you don’t want to believe you got fooled, now you are questioning whether you had unconditional love for him. But you can love someone unconditionally who doesn’t love you unconditionally. The response is that your love gets switched off.
For a relationship to be truly successful, unconditional love must meet unconditional love. When unconditional love doesn’t meet itself, that love must stop, it must go away, it must leave.
You are not wrong to feel as you do. You can only love him to the extent you cannot live with a man who mooches off you.
~ Wayne & Tamara
I found out my boyfriend of three years was cheating. We have a child together and I love him very much. But this is the third time he’s cheated on me. I forgave him the first two times, but this time I told him I have to think things over.
While I was thinking things over, I started talking to another guy I like a little bit, too. Now I’m confused. Should I let a three year relationship go down the drain and start a new one, or should I tell him we can work it out one last time, but that’s it!
Kendra, you don’t have three years invested in this relationship. Each time he cheated, the clock moved back to day one. It’s day one, this man is a cheater, the question is, should I date him?
You think you can give him an ultimatum. “This is the last time I will take you back.” No matter how explicitly you put it to him, he’s not going to believe you because you took him back once and then once again.
He has proof on his side that you will take him back. You have no proof to offer that you won’t. He can view your ultimatum in one of two ways. First, I need to get better at concealing my cheating. Or second, why bother concealing? She’s not going anywhere.
~ Wayne & Tamara
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