Recently my boyfriend of two years said he does not want us to live together anymore. He says he’s scared for our future and misses his single life. Not that he wants to be with other women. He just misses being able to go and do things without considering anyone else.
Why does he want this? He knows he was unhappy alone, but for some reason he wants the single life back. I give him space. He can go out with his friends whenever he wants, but most of the time he chooses to stay at home with me.
He brought this up the day after I asked him if and when we are going to be married! Now I did not mean tomorrow or three years from now. I just want a verbal commitment that one day it will happen. The very next day he threw this on me.
He says he’s scared what his life is going to be like. Is that an excuse or a real fear? I am so confused and hurt. We talked and decided we would work on things in our relationship for three more months. Then we will reevaluate the relationship.
Is this just prolonging the inevitable? By the way I am 24 and he is 27.
Cara, in news writing there is something known as “burying the lead.” It refers to a story that begins with lesser details instead of the most important fact.
You buried the lead in your letter. It doesn’t appear until the third paragraph. The lead is: I asked my boyfriend to marry me; now he wants me to move out. If we wrote it as a headline, it would be: She Proposed, He Said Unh-Uh!
Stop acting as if you don’t understand cause and effect. Adding his age at the end of the letter only makes the situation clearer. He’s a mature adult. He’s 27, not 17. He’s had plenty of time to be single.
You are good enough to live with as long as there is no commitment. That’s what he told you. Kicking the can farther down the road won’t change his answer. Jumbling the order of the sentences doesn’t conceal the truth of the news.
~ Wayne & Tamara
In Due Time
I am a 19-year-old woman or girl. I guess girl, since I haven’t had my first kiss yet. All my friends have boyfriends or have had an encounter with boys. I don’t know why I haven’t. I do believe I am shy. Maybe that’s why.
I feel I need to catch up and get a boyfriend. At family gatherings they always ask me, “Where’s your boyfriend?” I always reply, “I don’t have one.”
Maybe they’re starting to wonder if I am gay. I don’t know if it’s normal for me to still be single at this age.
Zoey, we all have our own pace. We all have our own stride. At your age most people have not met the love of their life. At your age many girls have relationship baggage they wish they didn’t have.
The people who ask about your boyfriend already know the answer. Their question is just conversational filler, like the checkout clerk who says, “Did you find everything you were looking for?” But if you are feeling especially mischievous, when they ask where your boyfriend is, just say, “Oh, he’s in the trunk of my car.”
There is a bright side to this. Perhaps you are a little shy, a little more reserved, a little more thoughtful. That can only make this experience more meaningful when it happens.
~ Wayne & Tamara
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Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara – Column for the week of September 11, 2017