I felt in my gut not to marry him. At the time I thought it was just nerves, but now I realize it was the nudging of the Holy Spirit.
You see, he and I are not of the same faith. He does not believe in God and never did. Yet I married him anyway. I didn’t want to have sex with him on our wedding night…or the night after. I forced myself, telling myself I had to because we were married.
Prior to my marriage I had two relationships. In both I sacrificed my morals and had sex. My first boyfriend was a young lad who joined the navy. I was 18. We dated a year before he left. He wanted me to move with him. I can’t remember why I didn’t, but I do remember waiting for him, talking to him on the phone and writing.
Until the day he told me he was going to be a father, and I knew I was not the mother. It broke my heart.
At 21, I dated a second boyfriend for a year . He broke up with me. After that I hit rock bottom. Eventually I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior. Because I was not a virgin, I was judged in the eyes of the legalistic church I was attending. It made me ashamed of my past.
I did not date again until I was 30. The few Christian men I dated judged me when I shared my past and broke it off. Then I met my husband, the first man who did not judge me, the first man I thought would never leave me. I married for security, not love. I married because everyone thought he was a great guy and everyone liked him.
My biological clock was ticking, I wanted a family and I thought he would be a good father. I now see the impact of a spiritually unequally-yoked marriage, not only on me but on my children. I have never felt so alone, sad, empty, in despair and distant from my husband as I do now.
I am most certainly not attracted to him. I do not love him. I have no desire to work things out. Yet I feel stuck because God hates divorce, and I would be committing a sin if I did so.
Esther, his acceptance and openness to you was your husband’s undoing. He’s a good guy. He accepted you when men of your faith did not. He is honest, responsible and likeable, yet you judge him over that.
You do not want to get rid of him because of your religion. You want to get rid of him for the exact reason you married him. You don’t love him and you tricked him.
You made a vow and signed a contract. You went in willingly, and now you pretend blindness. You knew he wasn’t the one for you. You used him to get married and now want out and you can’t say one bad thing about him.
What you are implying is, “I’m better than he is, so I can blame him for what I did.” How does being “unequally yoked” connect to marrying a man for money? What does your faith have to do with that?
It is time to test the old adage that confession is good for the soul. Tell him, “I never loved you, I married you for your money and to have my children. I would like to blame our religious differences for what I did, but that would be a lie.”
We suspect he cares for you. Let him decide what he wants to do. That’s only fair.
What we say about you is harsh, but you can’t even understand what you have written. To be a person of faith or spirituality, you have a long way to travel.
~ Wayne & Tamara
Column for the week of September 29, 2014
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