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Direct Answers – Last Days of Hunting Season

I’ve been dating a wonderful man for 16 months. I’m later 30s, no children, never married. He is 10 years older. We share the same passions, love to travel and our sex life is off the charts!

We met online. He pursued me a couple of months before I agreed to a date. He lives 90 minutes away, and I swore after the last long distance relationship I wouldn’t do that again. He is a doctor with two children and I assumed he wouldn’t have much time for me.

I was wrong. Since our first date, we’ve spent nearly every weekend together and traveled to three countries. During most of this time I was a student, which allowed me to spend 3-4 nights a week at his place.

His children love having me around. He’s been redecorating his home and he asks my opinion on everything.

He went through a rough divorce in 2015. She was brutal and he pays a small fortune in child support and alimony. I inquired in the beginning if he would be interested in marrying again or having another child. He said yes.

I was dating or engaged to the same man from age 17-26. We let it drag on because we were comfortable. I ended my last four-year relationship because he wasn’t seeking marriage or a family. One of my biggest goals in life is to be married. To the right person of course.

Now to my big question. I’ve been living with my parents while I finish school. I’m in my last semester. Starting a new career, I’m at the perfect point to relocate. And why find employment here, just to uproot and move in with him once things have progressed? If they’re going to.

He mentioned, if I get a position farther away, he could come to my new place on weekends and we would make our relationship work no matter what.

Everyone moves at a different pace, but in my mind, I’m ready to take this to the next level. In casual conversation I brought up I would sign a prenup, if I moved in or we married, to put his mind at ease so he doesn’t think I’m out to get money.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I feel like it’s the man’s job to pursue and initiate. Why does he treat me like a wife figure if he doesn’t plan on moving me in or marrying me? Or am I being too impatient?

~ Allie

Allie, mentioning the prenup may have been a mistake. You hoped to show you are not greedy. What you might have shown is that you are desperate.

When you met, he was fresh from a nasty divorce. You are in a hurry; he is not. He’s been there and done that: engagement, marriage, children, career. You spent years of your life with the wrong men. That has nothing to do with him.

There is an inequality in your situations. In a sense, one party has everything and one has nothing. You want him to pursue? Then be someone worth pursuing.

Look for the best job you can find. The best money, the best working environment, the best position for you. The more wherewithal you have the more appeal you will have.

He’s not the job. Instead of asking to move in, ask if he will be a character reference for you. Put yourself more in balance with him. Even if he is not your one, self-reliance will make you most attractive to the man who is.

~ Wayne & Tamara

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