I love my boyfriend. Absolutely love him. He’s the greatest damn human that has ever walked into my life. I would literally do anything for him.
Six months ago I made a mistake. I flirted with a guy for three days. I didn’t find the guy attractive or anything. It just happened. It eats me up almost every day and it killed my boyfriend. When I saw him cry for the first time, my heart sank so deep I thought I was going to pass out.
As days progressed we got better but everything changed. He lost trust in me. Nothing was normal. Since then we haven’t talked marriage, family or moving in together. We used to talk about that a lot.
He never compliments me and there are no long messages. Some days he even skips the “I love you’s.” He even brought up leaving me when he goes away to college. That’s what kills me the most. The other night I had a dream that he left me for a girl, Emily, because she’s going there, too.
I have never been a true fan of hers. When I’m with him, I almost always see Emily, his childhood friend, on his Snapchat lock screen. But I don’t hack his social media accounts and I don’t look through his phone. I mean, I have a few times but only to selfie. Anyway I can’t hack his accounts off my phone because I can’t remember his password.
He is always going to be my first true love. No matter what choice he makes, I will accept it, only because I have to. As for now I will make the best of every single day I have with him and look back on the amazing memories we made this past year.
Do I talk things out with him, or take it day by day?
Jordan, we have whys for things. Why do you take your phone with you? Why do you carry an umbrella on a cloudy day? You know why.
Why did you flirt one day? Two days? Then three? To what end? To tease and embarrass the other boy by saying you can’t have me…to make your boyfriend jealous…to test your power on young men…to make other girls envy you?
Your boyfriend put you on a pedestal and you cracked it. Now he can’t look at you without seeing the crack. For whatever reason, you ruined your boyfriend’s first love. You say you don’t know why but you do.
When someone says they don’t know why they did something, it means they don’t want to tell you why. Their why can’t be said aloud.
From this experience your boyfriend has learned what is unacceptable to him. We hope it won’t color his relationships with other women, though, as you fear, Emily may become the agent of his revenge.
You’ve also learned some things. You learned a lesson about trust and you learned a truth about yourself. If you really loved your boyfriend, you would not have flirted with the other boy.
Knowing that should make it easier to let your ex-boyfriend go. In the confines of your school, neither of you found your other half. That person is out there, yet undiscovered.
~ Wayne & Tamara
Column for the week of May 16, 2016
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