“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop playing.”

As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction!

Here is a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you’re alive, it isn’t.

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

“Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, And I’ll forgive Thy great big one on me.”

Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so.

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.

“If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.”

At bank, post office or supermarket, there is one universal law which you ignore at your own peril: the shortest line moves the slowest.

Funny quotes – “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something.

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

A man is known by the company that keeps him on after retirement age.

Nature gave man two ends – one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since, man’s success has been dependent on the one he uses most.

I don’t at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited.

Friendship with one’s self is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.

The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.

“Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I’ll give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals and I’ll give you a stock clerk.”

Everyone has the ability of making someone happy, some by entering the room, others by leaving it.

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